She shivered and drew the blankets around her closer.
Looking so small. So vulnerable. So unlike her.
But then she'd quip with a sparkle in her eye and I'd let my breath out a little.
And we chatted. About this and that, the now and the then (I sure do miss him she said and my eyes immediately filled).
And I sat there and told myself soak this up, soak this moment up, every last drop because time is precious, I am realizing more and more, and it is ever slipping by.
And we'd fall silent sometimes, me searching for things to say, and sometimes fumbling a bit, wanting this moment to be Meaningful, Special, Profound.
And just when I'd stopped trying, just said oh just let it be what it will be, she said out of the blue:
"No," (because sometimes she'll start like that, as if continuing a conversation you started last visit)--
"No, I am not usually one to judge people," and I smiled quizzically, brow furrowed, trying to follow.
"I'm not one to judge, but the first time I saw him," and I scrambled in my head and thought who is he?
But she continued, "...the very first time, right off the bat, I saw you together and I thought, 'Now this is the man for Sara.'"
And she sat back and nodded, words spent, and I said a quiet, "Yes he is," and stored it in my deepest of deep to draw upon my whole life long.
11.29.2010
11.24.2010
And what is your one thing?
May you spend these days enjoying your many blessings,
May you truly give thanks, for He is good.
And may you make space in the merry hubub
To examine what is inside your clinging grasp
As we run this race of life.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.
11.23.2010
Fine line.
(minute one)
It had me at hel-LO sequins and cream-colored coziness!
(minute one and one-half)
Why yes I will try you on, you six dollar steal-of-a-deal!
(minute seven...in the dressing room)
Oh no you DON'T have SHOULDER PADS!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(minute 15...in line to check out)
...maybe I can take them out and pretend I'm uh, resourceful?
(minute 16...in line to check out)
...I mean, this is cute, right?
(minute 16.5...in line to check out)
...or is it ultra-hipster?
(minute 17...in line to check out)
...what is ultra-hipster anyway?
(minute 17.25...in line to check out)
Answer: Mass Street. Crap. They made fun of my scarf.
(minute 17.75...in line to check out)
...or maybe this is just weird and outdated?
(minute 18...in line to check out)
...does this mean I'm losing my edge and will start wearing MOM JEANS?!
(minute 18.5...in line to check out)
Oh please no. No. NO! It's fine! It's cute! I like it, I'm getting it, PERIOD.
(minute 20...to the checkout girl)
You like it? You really like it?! You think I can remove them without ruining it and my own shaky confidence?! REALLY?! LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!
((I need a vacation.))
It had me at hel-LO sequins and cream-colored coziness!
(minute one and one-half)
Why yes I will try you on, you six dollar steal-of-a-deal!
(minute seven...in the dressing room)
Oh no you DON'T have SHOULDER PADS!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(minute 15...in line to check out)
...maybe I can take them out and pretend I'm uh, resourceful?
(minute 16...in line to check out)
...I mean, this is cute, right?
(minute 16.5...in line to check out)
...or is it ultra-hipster?
(minute 17...in line to check out)
...what is ultra-hipster anyway?
(minute 17.25...in line to check out)
Answer: Mass Street. Crap. They made fun of my scarf.
(minute 17.75...in line to check out)
...or maybe this is just weird and outdated?
(minute 18...in line to check out)
...does this mean I'm losing my edge and will start wearing MOM JEANS?!
(minute 18.5...in line to check out)
Oh please no. No. NO! It's fine! It's cute! I like it, I'm getting it, PERIOD.
(minute 20...to the checkout girl)
You like it? You really like it?! You think I can remove them without ruining it and my own shaky confidence?! REALLY?! LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!
((I need a vacation.))
11.22.2010
Risky business.
And sometimes it's giddy.
And sometimes it's ugly.
Sometimes it hurts,
sometimes it tingles.
Sometimes its arms wrap around you
so tight you can't breathe, and
Sometimes it leaves you stranded,
tears falling falling falling.
But when in question,
when in doubt,
when wondering is it worth it?
And sometimes it's ugly.
Sometimes it hurts,
sometimes it tingles.
Sometimes its arms wrap around you
so tight you can't breathe, and
Sometimes it leaves you stranded,
tears falling falling falling.
But when in question,
when in doubt,
when wondering is it worth it?
Do it deeply.
Richly.
Blindly.
And often.
And then try to tell me that it isn't.
 |
| via (via ) |
11.18.2010
Iron sharpening iron.
He says: Shoot! I forgot my vitamins.
And she smiles to herself.
*
She says: I'm finally going to do it.
And he celebrates beside her.
*
He says: Let's update the budget.
She braces herself (but is thankful).
*
She says: It's from our favorite thrift store!
He can't believe she has one (but loves it).
*
He says: Let's go there one day.
She adds it to her list.
*
She watches historical documentaries.
He watches Friends.
*
She realizes she does like nutmeg (sometimes).
He pretends to like burnt cookies.
*
She cries: It's not supposed to be like this.
He holds her hand.
*
He says: I can't do it.
She says: You can!
*
And so it goes.
And on and on.
And layers peel off.
And skin thickens.
And bruises appear.
And heal.
And scars form, even.
And we keep going.
And it is good.
And she smiles to herself.
*
She says: I'm finally going to do it.
And he celebrates beside her.
*
He says: Let's update the budget.
She braces herself (but is thankful).
*
She says: It's from our favorite thrift store!
He can't believe she has one (but loves it).
*
He says: Let's go there one day.
She adds it to her list.
*
She watches historical documentaries.
He watches Friends.
*
She realizes she does like nutmeg (sometimes).
He pretends to like burnt cookies.
*
She cries: It's not supposed to be like this.
He holds her hand.
*
He says: I can't do it.
She says: You can!
*
And so it goes.
And on and on.
And layers peel off.
And skin thickens.
And bruises appear.
And heal.
And scars form, even.
And we keep going.
And it is good.
11.16.2010
Life lessons from Google Chat:
Her: It just reminded me, you know, that it is so easy to get lost in the noise.
Me: YES! Amen.
*****
How do you choose which voices matter?
How do you catch your breath in silence?
When is too much too much?
Yeah...I don't know either. But I'm learning.
Me: YES! Amen.
*****
How do you choose which voices matter?
How do you catch your breath in silence?
When is too much too much?
Yeah...I don't know either. But I'm learning.
 |
| Photo cred |
11.15.2010
A Good Man is Hard to Find
"So you and Adam are married now, right?" he shouted above the music.
"Yeah!" I said smiling, tucking my elbows in from the bustling crowd and turning slightly, my white wine wiggling in its fancy glass.
"That's awesome. So were you guys, like, a thing in college?"
"No," I said, remembering, "...just b-f-fs."
"Oh, you were b-f-fs?" he said, without a trace of sarcasm, although I was sure it was lurking beneath the surface.
"Yeah!" I said.
"Cool," he said.
And then, "You know, I never knew your man all that well," he said, stepping in a bit, "but I always thought he was awesome."
I smiled, then suppressed a giggle as Adam himself walked up to hear, "Yeah, I mean, Adam is just such a solid guy, you know?"
And as he turned and saw Adam standing there, he laughed a little sheepishly then continued, "Hey man, I just remember you always reading and watching you with everyone in the coffee shop and I don't know, it's so rare to see someone and think that guy has character. But I always thought that."
He turned to me as Adam's face turned red and said, "Anyway, congratulations. You got a good one."
And as he disappeared into the crowd I squeezed Adam's arm and thought yeah, I know.
"Yeah!" I said smiling, tucking my elbows in from the bustling crowd and turning slightly, my white wine wiggling in its fancy glass.
"That's awesome. So were you guys, like, a thing in college?"
"No," I said, remembering, "...just b-f-fs."
"Oh, you were b-f-fs?" he said, without a trace of sarcasm, although I was sure it was lurking beneath the surface.
"Yeah!" I said.
"Cool," he said.
And then, "You know, I never knew your man all that well," he said, stepping in a bit, "but I always thought he was awesome."
I smiled, then suppressed a giggle as Adam himself walked up to hear, "Yeah, I mean, Adam is just such a solid guy, you know?"
And as he turned and saw Adam standing there, he laughed a little sheepishly then continued, "Hey man, I just remember you always reading and watching you with everyone in the coffee shop and I don't know, it's so rare to see someone and think that guy has character. But I always thought that."
He turned to me as Adam's face turned red and said, "Anyway, congratulations. You got a good one."
And as he disappeared into the crowd I squeezed Adam's arm and thought yeah, I know.
 |
| Photo cred |
11.10.2010
Thinking:
Apparently, it is necessary to remind others that no, it is actually not acceptable to brush your teeth at a public drinking fountain.
Please, go tell all your friends.
HURRY!
Please, go tell all your friends.
HURRY!
11.04.2010
To-do (on my much anticipated day off):
- Get one of these
- Sip one of these slowly
- Use my new nail polish!
- Write in my forlorn and ashamedly dusty journal
- Curl up on the couch with one of these books
- Bake something tasty
- Finish that craft I started...months ago
- Write a letter
- Send a fun package
- Go for a stroll
- Watch something girly that would make Adam roll his eyes
- Most importantly: Give myself permission to shred this virtual list and spend the whole day doing nothing or something else...just because I can.
 |
| Image cred. |
11.02.2010
Even if you're disgusted.
Voting day is always a bit of a conundrum for me.
Deep down, I still believe it is my duty, my responsibility as a citizen, to get out there and vote.
But I never seem to know exactly what I'm doing.
I know a lot of it is my own lackadaisical approach to politics and my poor effort to educate myself.
And I would say in the last few years I really have gained an interest and actually started paying attention...or trying to.
Forgive me for whining about the media again, but it really is a frustrating experience to try and weed through all the crap out there and get to the nitty gritty. Just give me the basics. Give me your platform. Give me your issues, let me see how they line up with mine, stop cutting down your opponent and get rid of the fluff. That's all I want.
But it really is a lot to ask these days because fluff sells. Attacking ads prevail. And so to me, politics has come to be equated with a mixture of pride, arrogance, deceit, confusion, and well, failure.
I know that is harsh and I know that there are a lot of good people who have given their life to make this country better. And I appreciate that, I really do. But their good deeds get swallowed by the circus in Washington. Good efforts seem to be marred with eventual corruption.
So, in a word, I suppose you could say that at the ripe ol' age of twenty-five, I have become cynical.
But I am still proud to be an American, despite the fact that I don't see eye to eye with either of our political parties. And I'm learning more and more that cynicism is the easy answer. Because then all I have to do is roll my eyes, fold my arms and criticize. And then act surprised when nothing ever changes. But hey, at least no one can blame me.
The point of all this rambling is to say that I am voting today.
Partly out of obligation but partly out of a determination that you know what? After all these years, all these mistakes, and even, yes, many successes in our journey as the U.S. of A, this is still my right.
And cynicism is such a tired badge to wear.
"If you don't vote because you're trying to teach politicians a lesson, you're tragically misguided in your strategy. The very politicians you're trying to send a message to don't want you to vote. Since 1960, voting turnouts in mid-term elections are down significantly, and there's one reason: because of TV advertising.
"Political TV advertising is designed to do only one thing: suppress the turnout of the opponent's supporters. If the TV ads can turn you off enough not to vote ("they're all bums") then their strategy has succeeded.
"The astonishing thing is that voters haven't figured this out. As the scumminess and nastiness of campaigning and governing has escalated and the flakiness of candidates appears to have escalated as well, we've largely abdicated the high ground and permitted selfish partisans on both sides to hijack the system.
"Voting is free. It's fairly fast. It doesn't make you responsible for the outcome, but it sure has an impact on what we have to live with going forward. The only thing that would make it better is free snacks.
Even if you're disgusted, vote. Vote for your least unfavorite choice. But go vote."
Wise words from Seth Godin.(emphasis mine)
Deep down, I still believe it is my duty, my responsibility as a citizen, to get out there and vote.
But I never seem to know exactly what I'm doing.
I know a lot of it is my own lackadaisical approach to politics and my poor effort to educate myself.
And I would say in the last few years I really have gained an interest and actually started paying attention...or trying to.
Forgive me for whining about the media again, but it really is a frustrating experience to try and weed through all the crap out there and get to the nitty gritty. Just give me the basics. Give me your platform. Give me your issues, let me see how they line up with mine, stop cutting down your opponent and get rid of the fluff. That's all I want.
But it really is a lot to ask these days because fluff sells. Attacking ads prevail. And so to me, politics has come to be equated with a mixture of pride, arrogance, deceit, confusion, and well, failure.
I know that is harsh and I know that there are a lot of good people who have given their life to make this country better. And I appreciate that, I really do. But their good deeds get swallowed by the circus in Washington. Good efforts seem to be marred with eventual corruption.
So, in a word, I suppose you could say that at the ripe ol' age of twenty-five, I have become cynical.
But I am still proud to be an American, despite the fact that I don't see eye to eye with either of our political parties. And I'm learning more and more that cynicism is the easy answer. Because then all I have to do is roll my eyes, fold my arms and criticize. And then act surprised when nothing ever changes. But hey, at least no one can blame me.
The point of all this rambling is to say that I am voting today.
Partly out of obligation but partly out of a determination that you know what? After all these years, all these mistakes, and even, yes, many successes in our journey as the U.S. of A, this is still my right.
And cynicism is such a tired badge to wear.
"If you don't vote because you're trying to teach politicians a lesson, you're tragically misguided in your strategy. The very politicians you're trying to send a message to don't want you to vote. Since 1960, voting turnouts in mid-term elections are down significantly, and there's one reason: because of TV advertising.
"Political TV advertising is designed to do only one thing: suppress the turnout of the opponent's supporters. If the TV ads can turn you off enough not to vote ("they're all bums") then their strategy has succeeded.
"The astonishing thing is that voters haven't figured this out. As the scumminess and nastiness of campaigning and governing has escalated and the flakiness of candidates appears to have escalated as well, we've largely abdicated the high ground and permitted selfish partisans on both sides to hijack the system.
"Voting is free. It's fairly fast. It doesn't make you responsible for the outcome, but it sure has an impact on what we have to live with going forward. The only thing that would make it better is free snacks.
Even if you're disgusted, vote. Vote for your least unfavorite choice. But go vote."
Wise words from Seth Godin.(emphasis mine)
11.01.2010
Lately:
- Watching season one of this forever fave (Ross is the best. Obviously.)...and eagerly anticipating this to arrive at our doorstep.
- Reading this (shout out to Lauren for such a great recommendation!) and this...and basically just wanting to be this girl all day:
 |
| Photo cred |
- Feeling a bit more connected to this space, this season, this community, this life as I know it right here, right now. And it is nice. Not perfect, but oh-so-welcome to get a bit of peace.
- Looking for a rhythm and while we still clang and clunk along a bit, knowing at the end of the day, when we say "See you at home!" we mean our home. Where we are about to have our first Christmas.* And I don't care if I am sickeningly sentimental, I think little ol' 2W will always hold a special place in my heart. (Unless we get mice. Which we did at work. And now I can't wear open toed shoes without freaking out. But it's cold now so I wouldn't anyway. Whew.)
- Wondering what the crap I was thinking when I agreed to do this. In six days. OMG! (I blame sibling rivalry.)
*but not too soon. Please! I'm not ready for holiday mania quite yet...give me a few peppermint mochas and then we can talk.
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