Prep work.

Things are getting real around this place.

Belly=growing.
Excitement/anxiety=mounting.
Emotions=intensifying (Adam's, obviously. ha!)

I am actually walking away from friend gatherings with the knowledge that we may not see each other until after he is born. (!!!!!!)

I have a million, zillion things on my to-do list but know very well that they may not get done in time. I also know that none of them are actually super important. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to cross things off the list. (Of course, this is a bit challenging when one falls asleep in front of the TV for two hours in the evening. Whoops.)

And I have to be honest--there is a small part of me that thinks that if we just try harder, we will be able to clean up every aspect of our lives in an orderly, responsible way and that will thereby ensure the success of us as parents and human beings.

This means that in addition to baby prep things (setting up crib, unpacking nursery, figuring out how to use mysterious baby items, etc.), I would also like to re-organize our budget, deep clean the house, become an excellent cook, and just generally, you know, get it together.

In seven weeks.

I knoooooow, you guys. I know this is totally insane and ridiculous. And really "together" people could be totally terrible parents, anyway. And besides, all you really need is to love that little munchkin and everything will all work out.

But still.

It is just such a strange time--this very brief time we have left pre-baby. A period of waiting, wanting, expecting, dreaming, fearing.

It is a time spent testing the Mom and Dad waters as we make decisions about the little one's first days. A time spent meeting with nurses who look to us to make these decisions. And we nod slowly, and look at each other and say, "Uhhh yes? That is a good idea?" and inside we are like "OH MY GOSH we just made a legit parental decision. Is this really happening?!"

It is a time of feeling very young, very uncertain, very much looking to our own parents for encouraging words and "what do we do about this?!" and little pats on the back.

And it is those little moments of realizing that my very own parents went through this too and so did theirs and so did theirs. And it is up to all of us to figure it out on our own a bit, yes, but also to reach out and say "Help!" and consider that maybe it is actually a good thing to feel a bit unqualified.

Because it is only then that we humble ourselves.

And it isn't about having the perfect home or perfect financial record or whitest teeth or beautifully designed nursery.

It is about creating the village that will raise this child. A child already so, so loved.

A child that is coming soon!

A child that we await with great expectation and hope.

(And dusty floors and dirty laundry, too.)

Lately loving:

• Peeking in the baby's room and thinking HE IS COMING! HE IS COMING! HE IS COMING!
• A season to catch our collective breath (aka watch a lot of Netflix)
• Baby kicks!
• Date nights in and out--gotta take advantage of these last few weeks
• Watching Adam talk to my (HUGE) belly

While walking through the grocery store:

Random man in the aisle: That a boy?

Husband and I: ?

Me (after realizing he was referring to my pregnant belly): Oh. Yes! We are having a boy!

Man: Yeah. Thought so. Hmm. I think he is going to be born on a famous person's birthday.

Me: Oh yeah? Hmm. We'll see. (smiling and thinking "Isn't that EVERY DAY?!")

Man: Yep. And I think (tilts head)...I think he may be a scientist.

Me: Oh! Wow! Maybe so...

Man (as husband and I scurry away): Hope you're listening to lots of classical music!



Oh, pregnancy.

Gracious Uncertainty.

I have been carrying around some thoughts that I read awhile ago and have continued to resonate with me.

On days when things seem a little too much I will hit pause, take a deep breath and read it again.

Gracious uncertainty. "To be certain in our uncertainty."

Such a funny idea in today's plucky world of control and general having-it-all-together-ness.

But in these days of preparing for baby, of crib-building (!) and tummy-kicking (!!!), of life struggles and Unknowns in many forms, I turn to this passage on my worn folded piece of paper and exhale a bit.

For who can say what tomorrow will bring? Or what He is going to do next?