For some, this is a time of grand adventures. World travels. Passionate pursuits. Risk. Grit. An unapologetic existence. The chance to follow one's every whim and chalk it up to "finding oneself"--for better or worse.
For others, this is a time of establishment. Of also "finding oneself"...but within the more rigid parameters of a marriage/child/job/education. And there's sacrifice. And toil. And brute determination to lay the groundwork for the future.
I find myself wavering between the two. Living in the both/and or (probably more accurately) neither/nor. Neither the romance of the Risktaker nor the direction of the Establisher.
I dream of adventures but wake up to a cubicle. I long for stability but abhor feeling stifled.
So, I just keep taking wobbly steps. In this direction or that. Or maybe even in circles. Somehow feeling winded though I feel I've hardly moved.
And it's easy to feel second-rate. And it's easy to make excuses. And it's easy to laugh it off and say Oh who knows...
But in the midst of the soul-searching and dreaming and list-making and day-to-day brush-your-teeth-do-your-laundry-fill-your-gas-tank living, I find myself breathing a bit more deeply these days.
And trying to find some solace in the whoosh of right now.
7 comments:
http://www.ted.com/talks/malcolm_gl
adwell_on_spaghetti_sauce.html
maybe this will help...
I did enjoy that. Thanks B-ri.
However, in a more pessimistic tone, I offer this snippet from a book The Interrogative Mood: A Novel found here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121410826
"Do you wish, as we all do, that you had a sunnier disposition? Would you like to learn to lift weights? Are you comforted by the assertion that there are yet People on Earth who know what they are doing? Or, like me, do you subscribe to the notion that people who knew what they were doing began to die off about 1945 and are now on the brink of extinction? That they have been replaced by fakes and poseurs? That in ten more years, when everyone rides a Segway talking on cell phones imbedded in their iTeeth, the clueless world will be painfully immanent?"
Just call me Debbie D. haha.
haha wah wah...sad...but ironically true....
p.s. Our book club is thinking of reading that book...I don't know if I could read a whole book of questions. My head might explode.
Sara, I'm really glad I'm not the only one taking a wobbling path. If I were to chart it, it would probably look like the line made by a kid riding a bike without training wheels for the first time. And in fact..that's sort of what it feels like.
Whoa...funny timing for me to run across this!
http://twotallblondes.blogspot.com/2009/12/maybe-its-weather.html
That is crazy! And so perfect! :)
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