The one where I (almost) got all Jackie Chan up in here.

So, remember that garden?

You know, the one we were all excited about and inspired homemade salsa dreams?

And finally started to bear fruit?

THEN SHORTLY AFTERWARD WAS DISCOVERED BY A SQUIRREL?!

A pesky, selfish, indulgent, THIEF of a squirrel who NOT ONLY picks our poor plants bare BUT HAS THE AUDACITY TO LEAVE BEHIND THE CRUMBS?!

ON OUR BALCONY?!

OF OUR SHATTERED SALSA DREAMS?!

Who just THIS WEEK braved his face during the daylight and started chittering away as my husband attempted to water our sad, (nearly) fruitless plants and got all TERRITORIAL?!

AND DID NOT EVEN MOVE WHEN THE SPADE WAS SMACKED RIGHT NEXT TO HIM?!*

Whose nest was discovered UNDER OUR APARTMENT BALCONY?!

WELL.

This morning I dashed outside to water the plants and as I was watering, I was suddenly startled as I heard a faint chitter chatter in the background. Kind of mocking-like.

And the hairs on the back of my neck stood up immediately and I started getting the prickly skin feeling and that same OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO BE EATEN BY A RABID SQUIRREL feeling.

And I wanted to just run back inside and far, far away from this battlefield.

But then...

Then I saw not one BUT TWO red (RED I SAY!) tomatoes that HAD NOT BEEN EATEN!

(After spying the bits of green tomato that little rascal had nibbled on our railing. DRAT!)

And I knew what I had to do.

I had to stand up for myself, for my husband, for justice, FOR OUR FRUIT!**

So I snatched the first tomato, real quick like and plopped it in a bowl.

Then I spied the other lone red tomato, dangling ever so beautifully on the furthest edge of the plant box.

The edge that just so happened to be closest to the squirrel's nest, which rests just below our floorboard (on the outside, not right underneath...I made sure to ask right after Adam told my of the spade-smacking because I immediately had visions of gray squirrel teeth-gnashing right by my shaking ankles the next time I stepped foot outside. But Adam had assured me the garden-squelcher enters from the OUTSIDE railing. Whew.***)

I heard the chitter. I scanned again for beady eyes. And then, well I just had to go to my UNAGI place (ooooh, salmon skinroll!).

So I lunged forward, hand shaking, hair rising, skin prickling and pluck!

IT WAS MINE!

I held the bowl up victoriously as I entered our apartment.

And we are going to enjoy the CRAP out of those tomatoes. So help me!

*We are not about harming him. So don't worry...the spade was strictly for noise not for violence!
**Yes, tomatoes are fruits. Like I would let my emotions overrule my rationality! Puh-lease.
***I am not exactly known for being ONE with nature. To say the least.