These days:

...are memory-makers and as we squeezed around the borrowed table, elbow to elbow, it was a good kind of crowded. And I gave thanks in a knowing, deeper way that could not be said a year ago. And we made room for new traditions.

...are celebratory and I shamelessly turn my Christmas music up and sip eggnog and eat pecan pie for breakfast and watch Elf and start my days with this. And we get pine needles on our car seat and have a makeshift tree topper but who cares?  And Adam strums the guitar and says, "We have a lot of fun together," and I enjoy that truth immensely.

...are a tug of war and it is hard to keep perspective in a world noisy of SALE! BUY NOW! and I get distracted. And it's difficult to strike a balance without feeling bitter or overwhelmed or judgmental or guilty and I read some timely words about giving thanks and consumption. And I'm still figuring it out.

...won't last and I think about Story and character and conflict and risk and hope and wonder how my perspective will change as the chapters progress. And I think about legacy and my delight at finding Grandma's handwriting in Mom's recipe box this weekend and I wonder what all of it means.



Do you ever have weeks where you are just...off?

You try and try, but just can't get it together?

(Please say yes.)

In terms of seasons, this is one of learning. I would argue that each season is full of learning in some form or another, but this is one of actively trying to figure out how to live life with another human (oh, hi husband!) and learning What We Are About and What We Are Not About. It is also learning what I am About as a We and what He is About as a We. And how He can be He and I can be Me while We are being a We.

Something like that.

...Anyone still with me?

Anyway, I am learning a lot and I would be lying if I said we've got it all figured out.

(For some reason I just got a mental image of my parents reading this after almost 30 years together and laughing like little girl, if you think you'll ever have it all figured out, you've got another thing coming. --Not in a mean way, just in a let's-be-honest kind of way. And also in a you-have-always-been-such-a-perfectionist-just-relax kind of way. Point taken.)

Weeks like this try to teach me patience and maybe even a little bit of grace..over and over and over again.

You might be reading this and think that I mean patience and grace with my husband, and while I am learning that too, I'm really just talking about patience and grace with myself.

That's a hard thing to come by these days. I really mean that. I know so many people who feel they must be this or that and just canNOT be this or that...but what I am thinking the whole time they are talking is, "What?! You want to be like HER?! She is great! But you can do this and this and this...let's see HER do that!"

(These sentences are getting crazy. I better end this, and fast!)

((Drat! Too many parentheticals!!!))

The point is, I do not have it figured out.

I cannot do this or this or that...but I am doing this and this and that. And sometimes, I am really good at this or that. (But usually not both at the same time. Especially when I am busy comparing myself to you or you or you over there.)

I do not know what I am doing.

But I am trying.

And that is okay.

p.s. This Sunday is Daylight Savings. Fall BACK=get another hour! WOOHOO! Also it means I will stop calling my b-f-f- Katie who doesn't live in a Daylight Savings Time Zone and who has to every time say, "Yes, Sara, we are TWO HOURS apart. STILL." I mean really, who can remember that?!