Fear and permission.

I've mentioned TED before and again, really encourage you to check it out for some interesting (and often very inspiring) words.

Today, I listened to one that really struck home by this guy, whose blog I have been following as of late.

Nothing completely earth shattering or flip-my-world-upside-down, just a quiet yes, that's it. That is exactly it. whispering in my soul.

Enjoy, friends.

My three favorite moments follow with approximate time stamps.

1. 10:30(ish) mark It's not always the really big things that we're really afraid of. Sometimes it's the details, the things around the big things.

2. 11:31 (ish) Seth Godin says, "Anxiety is just repeatedly experiencing failure in advance."

3. 12:45 We're waiting for some kind of permission slip...that's like it's okay. Really. You can do that. You don't have to live your life like other people expect you to.


Faux pas.

Eating one of these...

which is as big as this...

while sitting here...

So sorry, office mates.

I would like to say my etiquette is generally top-notch but I am afraid that is a lie. Exhibit A: my "cave man arm" so (un)subtly pointed out this morning in between shoveled oatmeal bites. WHATEVER, ADAM!

The list does not end there but for the sake of my pride and (mostly) because I can't think of any of Adam's un-Emily-Post-esque behavior, let me end with two things that have captured my attention in between crunching and (quietly) munching and dripping appley juices on my to-do list (ehh, it's worth it):

1. Trying to wrap my brain around this which caused um, shall we say quite a stir?


2. Luh-hu-HUVing everything about this.

Photo by Sionnie. Who is awesome. Times a mil.


Calling all hipsters:

Can someone please tell me how to tie a freaking scarf?

Please and thank you.


Also, while you're at it, if you could teach me to knit, that would be swell.

(--do hipsters knit?)

((--does anyone say swell anymore?))


Annnd rant over.
Carry on.


I am learning:

To live in the Unknown.

To shrug and say "I don't know"

Even when it hurts.

To give myself some wiggle room--

To count a stocked fridge a success

And close the door on dirty laundry.

To fight.

For hope with dear friends who grieve

For friendship even when it's hard

For vision in a murky world.

To bask in simple pleasures.

Like cute aprons,

Fruit smoothie Sunday "dinners"

And herbs growing in our garden.

--And always and ever,

To love and fail and try again.


It goes without saying.

(over carbs of various forms)

Me: And THEN--

Her: She DIDN'T!

Me: SHE DID!!!

Her: O.M.G!


Her: Seriously?!


Her: UnbeLIEVable.

Me: Totally.

Her: I'm so glad we're friends.

Me: Me too.



A young girl enters each day--timid, wide-eyed, silent, aloof.

And each day I smile and say "Hey! How are you?!" and she says nothing and just stares back, blinking her thick lashes slowly.

I wonder who she is and what's her story and what she dreams about all day.
And does she know she has value?
And is she full of hope?
And does she feel loved?

And I can't help but think that someday--someday--I'll at least get a smile.



And then That Day came.

And we loaded up your bags. And it was pouring rain. And I tried my hardest to keep my chin firm and my voice from wobbling.

And my stomach hurt and my head ached and when the sun peeked out, I reached for my big sunglasses with relief.

And you were so excited. And nervous. And excited.
And I was nervous. And heartsick. And trying to be brave.

And before I knew it, we arrived at the airport. And you grabbed your bags and walked inside.

And I awkwardly lingered
And she said "I don't think he's coming back"
And I said "Oh..." (and my voice caught)
And thought he didn't even say goodbye.

And then you came back!
And rushed up and hugged me tight
And said "I love you. See you soon."
And I tried hard to Believe.

And oh, how far we've come.
And oh, how far we'll go.
And forever my ring will remind me of Hope
And the promise the lies within the Unknown.


Interactive maps speak louder than words.

By now, we all know about the Great Oil Spill Debacle of 2010 and no matter what your stance on environmentalism, I think we can all agree that this totally sucks.

And also, that the response time of all parties involved has been heartbreakingly slow and everyone wants to point their fingers here, there and everywhere and see someone take the blame if nothing else because hey, we looooove drama and we haaaaaate big corporations so cue the media frenzy!

Amidst all this hullabaloo, the oil just keeps spilling and spilling and spilling and yet somehow, I was seriously shocked to actually see the projected oil spill on a map.

Assuming that maybe I'm not the only one who hears "oil spill" and somehow doesn't comprehend the severity of the situation, I thought I would share with you, friends.

I'd say enjoy...but it doesn't quite sound appropriate, now does it?


**edit: also see here.


To Pete.

I was thinking of you today.

It was lunchtime and I was eating apple butter and for some reason that always reminds me of you.

Today, it was one bite and poof! suddenly I was a shrieking six-year-old trying to escape your tickling fingers--my pigtails bobbing as I wriggled from your grasp.

And the house smelled faintly of cigarettes and baking cinnamon rolls and I scurried up to kiss your bristly cheek and offer you a plate of plastic food (and you took it and played along).

And Brian took his usual seat right next to you (he always was your favorite). But I can't blame you because he was pretty darn cute. Plus, he didn't make you sit through dance recitals every year. (Sorry about that.)

Remember when I had sores in my mouth and couldn't eat a thing and was a major ball of fussiness and you took me to get milkshakes? That was the best.

And then there was the time that you bet me $5 I couldn't finish all those little squishy puzzles you kept on the coffee table. You gave me one hour. And I did it! And I loved it. And as I took my cash with glee you grumbled, "Never doin that again..." and then gave me a wink to show you weren't really mad.

Grandpa, you should see everyone today. Jeff is finishing medical school, Jamie is living in Italy, and even little Brian is all grown up! (And I mean UP--he is taller than Dad, I KNOW! Who would have guessed?!)

And GET THIS! You'll never believe it--Justin is married and expecting the first grandbaby! Grandma is so excited. She really misses you.

Well, shoot. Now I am getting all sentimental and choked up when all I really wanted to was drop by and say hello. And thank you for the lunch date. It was really good to see you.

I like to think that you're sipping on a soda somewhere just like you did as you waited on Grandma to finish shopping all those years. More than 50 years in fact. That's a lot of soda. But I guess that's what you do when you're in love.

I better go now, Grandpa. Life is a bit busier than it was back then. You know how it is.

Wish you were here.



p.s. I really wish you could have met Adam. You would love him! Grandma tells me that all the time and we all know not to argue with her. :)




I just had something SUPER embarrassing happen to me--so embarrassing, in fact, that I am not even going to share it here.


(except Adam, I'm pretty sure it will be the first thing out of my mouth tonight right after OMG!)

Let's just say it was one of those things you DREAM about...you know, and wake up cringing?!





And the worst part?

I can't even laugh about it because I can't tell anyone!



Moving on...


From time to time, I run across a quote, scribble it on a Post-It and slap it on my monthly office calendar or bulletin board or even in my weekly planner.

It isn't something I search for or even change on a regular basis.

Just one of those hmm...I want to think about that more kind of a thing.

Or maybe a that is so perfect for this season of life sort of deal.

Much to my delight, I was given a little quote book at one of my wedding showers. It was a gift from a co-worker and I was honestly touched to receive anything at all.

During wedding mania, it was thrown into the catch-all closet with other lovely gifts (thrown with love friends, don't you worry! A girl can only unpack so much!).

I ran across it recently, brought it to work and each day, I've been in the habit of flipping the page for a new daily quote (note: this goes against the whimsical nature of previous quote-finding but was still kind of a fun morning surprise).

Last week, I came across a simple quote from this guy and haven't flipped since (you'll have to squint a little to make out the words but the image was so cheery I couldn't go without!):

from here.

I don't know how that looks exactly, but Mr. Emerson, I think you'll stick around for awhile as I attempt to find out.



It's amazing what a surprise lunch date, a p.m. latte, a finished project and (can I say this?) freshly waxed eyebrows can do for a rainy day attitude.

Bring it on, world.

(My apologies to any male readers--do I even have those?--who winced at the word wax. All I have to say about that is YOU HAVE NO IDEA.)

Carry on.

From here.



Stumbled upon this publication and while it's only on issue #2, I think it's a noteworthy venture.

Coming from someone who worries about worry and thus is ever thankful for a husband that will at times look me in the eyes just to say, "HEY. This is really not a big deal." (in a nice but firm way so that I know he means business but isn't mad about it or anything)...

Coupled with the reality that fear has, at times, very much driven my life to the point of closing doors, becoming people-wary and all in all just feeling downright miserable and quite incapable (among other things)...

Well, let's just say, you have my attention fear.less. And thanks, if nothing else, for taking a stab at challenging us all.

Check out the newest issue here.

from here (page six).


Call me Bridezilla and NO CAKE FOR YOU! ...and other bridal thoughts:

During an incessant and unnecessary barrage of frenzied details:

Mumbled with a quick nudge to your other half:

Permeating the day, the season, the aftermath:

Happy MARRIAGE to all our dear friends that are tying the knot!

See you at the cake table...if I can tear Adam off the dance floor, that is.


Tick, tock.

Over lunch with my favorite new-grad who is K-State bound in the fall:

Me: So, how's summer been so far?

Her: Pretty good!

Me: What have you been doing?

Her: Well, at first I did nothing. Just hung out with my friends'n'stuff. And it was awesome. And then I started working for my dad.

Me: Oh! How's that been?

Her: It's been okay. I mean, I like the job alright. It's pretty cool. Except...

Me: ...?

Her: ...well, I started off working 8 hours a day and HOLY CRAP those days get so LONG!

Me (immediately depressed): Yeah.

Her: I mean to think of doing that EVERY DAY. DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY. For eight HOURS. In one PLACE!

Me (weakly): Yeah...

Her: I'm sure it gets easier though. Right?

Me: Uh...right...(afterdayafterdayafterdayafterDAY)


The same could be said for facebook.

From here.

...And now Adam is all, "You complain about facebook all the time. JUST GET RID OF IT!"

To which I reply, "I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!!! MY SOCIAL LIFE DEPENDS ON IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Now please let me stalk in peace. Also, remind me to upload some wedding photos so people can stalk you, too. Also, I love you."



In the last three days, I have been sucked into a little thing called Lost.

Yes, I am six years behind.

Yes, I have seen everyone's anticipatoryANDexcited/seethingORloving/tearfulORticked/defensiveORoffended facebook updates regarding the finale.

But it doesn't.even.MATTER!

It's like when Jack finds out Kate is the prisoner (gasp!)!!! LOOK WHO I HAVE TURNED INTO!

It's true.

I am a mere eight episodes into Season 1 and after all this time and all the eye-rolling I gave the show's die hard fans and all my snobby "Pssssh! It is SO no Dunder Mifflin..."...

I am now totally that person who cannot help but wonder WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?! and WHO HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD?! and CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?! and most of all, WHEN CAN WE WATCH ANOTHER (FIVE?!) ?!?!?!!?!?

In summary: Obsessed.