Stream of consciousness: pregnancy edition.

Ooh! I think I just felt the baby kick!
Was that a baby kick?
Maybe I'm just hungry.
No, that was definitely a kick!!!!!
I might as well eat a snack though...
I wonder if I'm gaining too much weight.
I wonder if I'm gaining too little weight.
I wonder if this little guy will look like me.
I can't wait to see Adam as a dad.
We need to put the nursery together.
Ugh! I can't eat one more bite of this. I think I'm going to be sick.
Please don't let me throw up.
I think I'm going to throw up.
Ew. Who is making Indian food for lunch?!
I think I could sleep sitting up if I just closed my eyes...
I wonder if I'm sleeping enough.
What if I'm not a good mom?!
I hope he has chubby cheeks.
Oh crap. I forgot I have to actually give birth.
...Don't think about it...don't think about it...
I think I'm hungry again.


The best days.

It is spring and everyone is abuzz with a little extra energy. The sun is shining! Flowers are blooming! THE SNOW IS GONE, HALLELUJAH!

Last night, I spent time in a college town and witnessed what seemed like the entire population swell up in end-of-finals celebration.

And I remembered that time. That feeling. When it seemed like we were all on the same page, more or less. All poor. All looking for fun. All at the beginning.

And so many people would say wistfully to us, "Oh enjoy this time! Those were the best days!"

And we would all pause for a bit, tilt our heads and smile uncertainly--not quite sure whether to feel happy or sad. And then we would turn back to our friends, looking for another laugh.

And it was nice last night, to be surrounded by so many in that place of their lives. To remember. And to sit surrounded by the boisterous hubbub and sloshing drinks and flirtatious laughs.

And in the midst of it all, to rub my swelling baby belly, sip my water, and sit across from my best friend as tears welled up in her eyes as she said, "You know, even on the bad days, when my kids are screaming and my husband and I are at each other's throats, these are the best days."

And there is something really wonderful about finding those little gifts to be thankful for in the midst of days and times and seasons that perhaps don't look exactly planned. And to wiggle around in the uncomfortableness of change and uncertainty and turn a blind eye to the Daunting Unknown and pluck the Good and even the Good-Enough from the now.

And to be able to say in truth, that these are the best days, and to hope that the best days are always, ever happening right now.