Photoboothed.

Adam's idea. Obviously.

One Year: Celebrate!

Off to escape with my bff-turned-husband for the weekend!

It'd be fun to write about the things we've learned and maybe I will soon, but for now all I can think about is OMG it's been a YEAR?!

And is this how fast life is going to fly by?!

And sure, it's not all rainbows and fairy tales, but it's still really freaking awesome.

A weekend full of remembering, dreaming and a whole lotta celebrating lies ahead.

Enjoy your days ahead, friends!


Ad and Sara's Wedding from Dean Behrens on Vimeo.

I want to go to there.

Isn't it amazing that this even exists?!

Image cred (via).

SweeTart.

I had one of those moments the other night. You know, when you feel completely crazy but try really hard to NOT feel totally crazy, but trying to avoid it makes you feel crazy-er, and thus you feel forced (and a bit justified) to totally lose it.

It really came out of nowhere. One minute, I'm standing there scrubbing yet another dirty dish (note to self: next place of residence must.have.dishwasher!!!) zoning out about who knows what--probably replaying my day or thinking about what kind of pie I should make for family dinner or how I'm pretty sure that magazine I picked up from a coworker was marketed towards retired women, etc--when BAM!

I'm in the middle of a panic attack convinced, convinced! that something terrible, awful, dreadful has happened to my husband. Because why is he not home? And he hasn't called! And OH MY GOSH I am going to get that phone call and don't even ask me what that phone call entails because I can't handle even thinking about it.

And I try to rationalize with myself: You didn't call him either! It's not even that late! You're being a TOTAL CRAZY PERSON and don't even THINK about picking up a phone!

...at least not for 10 more minutes.

...okay five.

So I force myself to keep washing dishes, trying now to forcibly distract myself. I wonder if Tina Fey's new book is any good. (where is he where is he where is he) I can't wait for a weekend getaway! (something's wrong something's wrong you're crazy something's wrong). What will I get Dad for his birthday? (PANIC)

I dry my shaking hands and pick up my phone. I put it down. I pick it up.

I call.

Voicemail.

I text.

Nothing.

I put it down and walk away. Don't be that person. Why are you jumping to horrible conclusions? ...Why is my stomach in such a knot? Is that a sign?...Don't be stupid.

Back in the kitchen I hear what sounds like keys jingling. My heart leaps. It's the neighbor.

I recall being seven and staying up all night (okay, until 10 p.m.) waiting for Mom's reassuring headlights which meant she was home from her volleyball game and that yes, indeed, I would see her again.

So, see? See? Everything is fine.

I pause in the doorway, and without thinking pick up the unopened bag of candy on our shelf.

 I wonder if those SweeTarts are any good...

I can't beLIEVE I am thinking about CANDY at a time like this!...like what if something is wrong and here I am eating sour gummy bunnies like an idiot! 

I mean I would hope if I got horrible news I would be doing something more...I don't know...dignified! Or something! Like...well...I mean...well, I guess there just isn't a good time. Ever. And sometimes life just hits with no warning.

I call again.

He answers.

(Whew.)

Everything's fine.

(Wheeeeeeeeeeeew.)

I respond nonchalantly and quickly hang up.

Feeling the whoosh of relief, the tinge of embarrassment and the unmistakable reminder that I am so, so small, in the scheme of things.

Pruned?

Feeling this today, due to a dear friend's listening ear.

(Also wearing a RIDICULOUS coffee stain on my pants since um, approximately 9:14 a.m. that was only made worse by not one but TWO attempts at the Tide to Go stick. Drat. Note to self: THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! )

Image cred.

Some things:

Totally not reader-friendly, nor succinct, nor necessarily all that well-thought-out:

• I can't stop watching My So-Called Life. It was a bit before my time but watching the teen angst seep into each storyline sometimes makes me double over with laughter and other times brings me back a few years to the braces-wearing, pre-hair-gel-finding girl who nervously stepped on that bus for the first time. So funny to remember what mattered then (which skirt your wore with your cheerleading outfit; who asked who to prom; etc.), what drove me crazy (the term "family time"; the unending desire to be accepted; etc.) and what I dreamed about (first dates; a prestigious college; being known and not boxed into a stereotype that I created and also hated; etc.).
• Still processing our trip to the Dominican Republic. I'll post some photos soon, hopefully. (Technical difficulties, including, unfortunately, a stolen camera...waah, waaah...has proved this difficult.) This has been the hardest trip to "recover" from both physically and emotionally and while mercifully I think we are finding words that speak truth into this harsh reality and begin to find, to seek, that balance again (and hope along with it)...it is still a work in progress. As it probably should be. As a good friend said, experiences such as these make you want to kick into high gear and do anything and everything because you were blind but now you see ...but also, reality is sometimes just too much and too overwhelming and not at all fitting with my idea of how things work or should work or justice or for the visual learners, it feels like my internal equilibrium just got smashed to smithereens, which makes me want to lock my door, eat a whole bag of Robin Eggs and drink Diet Dr. Pepper in my sweatpants. In a nutshell.
• Totally and completely have dropped the ball on the fair trade issue. My apologies. I actually have exciting developments to share but just haven't taken the time to make things official and also, well, just see bullet #2. I will jump back into this soon.
• We're about to celebrate one year of marriage! Unbelievable. And also, the best thing ever.
• Thanks for letting me (over)share my so-called life (yuk, yuk, yuk) and still being friends with me. Blogs are so weird sometimes, you know? Like am I really sharing this information for your benefit or for my own therapy? And how strange we relate (or feel like we're relating) in digital platforms. The whole "Is this building community or breaking it?" argument. I'm not sure. But thanks for reading. Now maybe go ask someone what's going on in their life in person, you know, just to even things out. 

Happy over-contemplative Monday!

p.s. Watch this and tell me you don't love it (minus the cheesy voice):

In process.

Here comes the sun
And sweet springtime--
I welcome this new season
With wide open arms.

May it be full of:
Freshness
Deep breaths
Laughter
Gathering
Road trips
Simple living
Snowcones
Long walks
Growth
And lingering.

Let it be so.

Photo cred.