3.24.2008

Chasin’ that Rainbow

“We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow’s end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the Present.”

-C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

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Living in the present.

It's a simple concept, really, but somehow the tugging nostalgia of the past and the constant clamoring of the unknown future makes this nearly impossible in my everyday life.

What is it about the human mind that makes it prone to such distraction so easily? The ability to disconnect and disengage from one's present circumstances may at times be a gift, but personally it seems to do more harm than good.

For me, it is a struggle on both ends. Often I find myself teetering along the fine line between the past and my own romanticized version of life, which commonly results in a wistfulness for something that never really was and for people who no longer resemble those I have frozen in time. Am I unable--or just unwilling--to let go?

As much as the baggage of the past may weigh me down, it does not begin to compare with hold the vast Unknown has on me. Anxiety is a constant struggle, and while I may consciously attempt to squelch any rising panic during this unending time of transition, something deep within my core refuses to comply.

Certainly there is nothing wrong with looking to the past with fondness, and it is foolish to go through life without some planning. But there is something to be said about those that can fully exist in the time and space allotted them each day.

I haven't found that balance. But I am ready to drop out of this perpetual pursuit.

...I'm not much of a runner, anyway.

p.s. If you haven't read The Screwtape Letters, you should.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

not unless it involves brookside and nasty peach tea afterwards right?? solid post sister...i am SO excited to hang out wednesday.

Sarah said...

:) your comments make me smile

KK said...

i like the way you write.

i like you.

Michelle said...

So, wanna write a biography on me (not that I merit a bestseller about me)? With this post, you already have the outline for a chapter...we can premiere it at our future bookstore opening. ;)

Seriously, I hear you loud and clear, sister. I've always worried about living more in the past and the future than the present...especially when it can get us into trouble...sometimes A LOT of trouble, clearly. ;) But at least it gives us something to work towards...

I heart heart heart you.