Everything is terrible.

Just kidding. Everything is not terrible. That would be far too dramatic. And if there is one thing I am not, it is...

Well, anyway, that isn't the point.

The point is, they are now making DARK CHOCOLATE REESE'S MINIATURES, so obviously there is reason to rejoice.

However, some pretty terrible things to note:

First, kind-of-hilariously-terrible-if-you-ignore-the-blatant-politically-incorrect-references-about-which-I-do-not-condone:

HERE'S HOW! from Everything Is Terrible on Vimeo.

Also, the not-so-hilarious-but-most-certainly-terrible-fact that I come back from being sick for two days and get an email that simply reads:

Subject: Re: Bat in library
I just caught the bat and it lived.

Which followed the first email that read:

Subject: Bat in library
There was a bat flying around the library last night. I called Facilities to come catch it. By the time they came we had lost track of the bat. They searched for awhile but could not find it any where. We did prop the door open to the atrium so it might have flown out there but we are unsure. Just beware it still might be flying around!

Okay...I admit that I go way overboard on Office references...BUT STILL.


But Sara, some of you are surely thinking, isn't it better the bat was caught when you were gone?

Well sure, dear friends, but let me remind you that regardless of its current whereabouts, this screeching, squeaking, furry, flitty, devil of an animal was, at some point, IN.THIS.VERY.BUILDING.WITH.MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (cue dramatic shudder)

As I opened in the wee hours of the morning... As I tiptoed around desolate corners of the library... As the lights flickered, as I yawned, as I brewed the first cup of coffee...


Which, in my humble BAT-HATING opinion, is cause for a TOTAL FREAKOUT in my book. Ace-style:

And finally, a real-life-terrible-report that stems from a phone call I had with the chirpy representative from my credit card of five years, First Financial:

Who told me that yes, they sure were going to raise my rates.

Even though I had not a SPOT on my record and have been a model card-holder who pays off her entire balance on time, every time.

For five years.

And why yes, it is within my right to revoke this change but by doing so, I am simultaneously choosing to close my account as soon as my card expires.

And that it is my choice (sweetly said), but these days, credit cards sure can be hard to come by and she sure would hate to see my credit score suffer, but wait one moment, and she'll see if there's anything else she can do for me...


...No, sorry. That is really all she can do. The choice is mine.

Oh, and as always,

And I know it isn't your fault--that you are the middle (wo)man and just doing your job and I really should have been nicer to you...but it's just I really need to tell Uncle Sam that things are a bit too ridiculous these days. And it's wearing me out.

But wouldn't you know it? His line is always busy.


kimberly said...

Sara. Stop it. That MJW video made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. I am so not even kidding. It's a good thing I couldn't see it at school because then I would have been in real trouble. seriously.

and once when I worked at camp a bat got into chapel. it was over the weekend so there weren't many of us there, but we were trying to watch a movie and it kept flying in front of the screen. we opened all the windows and doors and tried throwing things at it to make it go away. it didn't. UNTIL. this is gross. somebody turned on the ceiling fans. INSTANT solution. the bat flew into it, and one half of the bat went one way, and the other half of the bat went the other.


Sara said...

Kim,I knew you would appreciate that! Mainly I just loved the part where the guy demonstrates the dorky walk where he keeps crouching down more and more. Hilarious.

Also...EW!!! I mean really, EW! That is the grossest thing ever!!!

Finally, you are the coolest teacher ever. I hope your kids know that.