How to Talk to Girls: Chapter One

Snippets from the 9-year-old love doctor*:
(courtesy of my B-F-F)



Chapter one: The facts of life

Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you.

Life is hard, move on!

Tip: About 73 percent of regular girls ditch boys; 98 percent of pretty girls ditch boys.

*****

You also have to be aware that girls win most of the arguments and have most of the power.
If you know that now, things might be easier.

Finally, if you try for too many girls, you will have jealousy
issues and might end up with nobody.
It is really best to go for just one.

*****

If you do get a girl to like you, that is victory.
Winning victory is a dream for most boys, but it is very rare.

What does it take to win victory?

Read on and find out!

*****


Many boys who have crushes don’t know how to act around a girl. Some boys tease girls they like and are mean to them. Some boys say silly things to girls and act goofy. Some boys think they are acting cool by showing off.

This is not a good approach.

*****

The right thing to do when you have a crush is:

-Never show off too much

-Don't be silly and goofy

-Control your hyperness (cut down on sugar if you need to)

-Make sure you have good friends who won't try to take the girl you like.

Finally, you have to be able to get over a crush if it doesn't work out. A crush is like a love disease. It can drive you mad.

Try not to let it get you down.

*****

For those that think Christians can't be trendy:

Think again.

Angelina Jolie or green highlights?
Tough call.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this whole idea.

But I'm not really interested in your thoughts about Angelina.

Just so you know.

For the haunted:

Soft grey ghosts crawl up my sleeve/to peer into my eyes/
while I within deny their threats/and answer them with lies./
Mushlike memories perform/a ritual on my lips/
I lie in stolid hopelessness/and they lay my soul in strips.
-"Remembering" by Maya Angelou

*****

When Heartache splinters you into a million messy pieces,
Know that you are loved.

When Tragedy leaves you reeling in its devastating wake,
Know your prayers are heard.

When Loneliness becomes your faithful, sole companion,
Know you are not forgotten.

When Anxiety steals your confidence and ransacks your dreams,
Know that you have worth.

When Hopelessness stings your cheeks with an unexpected slap,
Know that tomorrow will come.

Love/hate relationship

Let me just preface this by saying I am not exactly what you would call technology-trendy.

I've never posted on YouTube.
I don't have a Twitter account.
And I'm pretty sure you will never find me involved in Second Life.

This was also true for me as a child.

I missed the MySpace rampage.
I never owned a Giga Pet.
And the lure of video games was completely lost on me.

So it should come as no surprise that when I received an e-mail from a co-worker informing me that we had a Wii in the staff lounge, I wasn't exactly clamoring for the first use.
(A far cry from my immediate outburst of sheer joy every time they announce brownies/cookies/cake/donuts anythingwithamilliondeliciouscalories in the break room...but I digress.)

Curiosity eventually got the better of me, however, and I eventually found myself meandering towards the lounge, timing my visit just right so the lounge would be empty and I could embarrass myself (for once) without any onlookers.

I decided to give bowling a whirl because seriously, how hard could it be? It took me a couple times to figure out which button means "Go" (I mean, really...it's the 21st century people. Stop labeling big gray buttons "A" when it is basically the all-knowing ENTER BUTTON. I don't think it's too much to ask. Rant over.).

But eventually I got the hang of it and started bowling up a storm! Strike after spare after strike after spare...I'm going to be honest, I was AWESOME! I became an immediate fan of the Wii and knew that the fun couldn't stop with just one game.

I decided to continue my Wii experience and through a series of various tests, discover my Wii Fitness Age. First baseball, then tennis, then bowling again, I did my best to bond with this newfounded piece of technology and embrace the entertainment wave of the future.

After the tests ended, I stood there waiting for my score to be calculated.

I felt energized.
I felt trendy.
I felt barriers breaking between me and the modern world.

The Wii does its thing and the result?

Wii Fitness Age: SIXTY-THREE?!



I freaking hate technology.

Currently:

• Craving this

• Arguing about how to say this

• Excited to go here

• About to read this

• Getting a kick out of this

• Trying my hand at this

• Missing this

We the People

This is the duty of our generation as we enter the twenty-first century -- solidarity with the weak, the persecuted, the lonely, the sick, and those in despair. It is expressed by the desire to give a noble and humanizing meaning to a community in which all members will define themselves not by their own identity but by that of others.
-Elie Wiesel

*****

Growing up, I was the goody goody of the classroom. If the teacher asked a question, my hand was in the air. If the teacher left the room, I was the one put in charge. I learned early on that to excel in the classroom meant to be timely, studious, organized and compliant. And so I was.

As I entered high school, academic success shifted to include the ever-increasing obligation of extracurricular activities. Due to my inability to say no and my innate desire to meet expectations, I became the ultimate joiner. I juggled schoolwork with cheerleading, volunteer work with youth group and my sanity with the growing pile of multi-colored PostIts sticking out from a well-worn planner. All the while, I was assured that this kind of lifestyle was necessary, it was worth it, and that someday it would pay off. And I believed.

College hit full-force and with it, the constant push to focus on My Future. So, I got the grades, I landed the internships, I stayed involved...I played along. But at the end of the day, as I fell into bed, mind-whirling with never-ending To-Do lists and flitting from one worry to the next, I couldn't help but feel I was simply spinning in circles. Dizzying myself with relentless expectations that made me believe I could never do enough. And I began to question.

And now I've entered the workforce. And feel almost...betrayed. Tricked into believing that all of my sacrifices and scribbled lists and carefully-contemplated decisions should have resulted in something more. Something bigger than a 9 to 5 cubicle existence. Is this what I've been waiting for all this time?

I suppose this could be considered a mid-mid-life crisis. A sort of "rite of passage" into the working world as I transition from my glorified college years of exploration and independence into a more mature phase of responsibility and obligation. That it will pass.

But maybe this is proof that these traditional ideas of success do not apply anymore. Not to my generation. That we are searching for our place in society--not to arrive at a dream job and buy the house with a picket fence and live the comfortable, insulated, isolated existence--but instead, to use our passions to improve this broken world.

Our heightened global awareness has created a feeling of responsibility--a responsibility to build community instead of division and to consider others when society tells us to look out for ourselves. We are struggling to make traditional molds fit into this transformed way of thinking, and as a result, we are continually fighting feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction and overwhelming confusion.

Alone, we will likely falter. Succumb to the voices of doubt and reason that find us charmingly naive, endearingly hopeful but ultimately impractical.

But together, our uncertain whispers will unite to form a murmuring chorus. And our difficult questions may not be answered but neither will they be ignored.

May this be the new American dream.

Take heart

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

*****

It is hard for me to watch the news these days.

Articles like this dash my hopes in the economy.
Reports like this taint my trust in world leaders.
Stories like this shake my faith in my fellow man.

And before long, heart sinking and mind whirling, I find myself teetering between choking anxiety and cynical complacency.

At times, I become weighed down with worry.
What will happen to us all? I wonder.
Can we really trust anyone anymore?
How will things ever be okay?

Round and round these thoughts tumble, leaving me with nothing but an unshakable heaviness and a desire to escape.

So sometimes I do.

I turn the channel to something easier, something safe, something to help me forget.

Why should I care? I scoff.

There will only be more hurt, more scandal, more pain.
What can I do about it, anyway?

And so I find myself stuck.

For fear is crippling.
And to choose a life of fear is to accept its choking chains of endless worry, doubt and indecision.

But complacency is defeat.
And I may turn my television as loud as it can go, but it will not drown out the global cries of injustice.

So I must choose Faith.

A faith that believes that just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not possible.

And just because it's painful doesn't mean it's not worth the fight.

We cannot shut ourselves out of this broken world.
Sometimes we have to question. Sometimes we have to protest.

Sometimes we have to refuse to accept what the world presents as truth.

But neither can we allow our wringing hands to be tied behind our backs.
For the world can be ugly, but it can also be beautiful.
And while there is much hate, it does not overshadow love.