Step it up.

I recently devoured Mindy Kaling's book and LOVED IT!

I giggled more than once as I sped through it (seriously--if you are looking for a fun book that will add another celebrity to your "We Would So Be Friends" list, this is it!) but instead of making you sit through poorly-delivered comedic moments like my dear husband, I will just share with you a chapter tucked in the back of the novel that stuck out most to me.

"Married People Need to Step It Up" she asserts and talks about how some of her married friends are the most depressing people to hang out with--always talking about how much work marriage is and how hard it is to get a babysitter for date night. Basically, Kaling writes that despite the odds and despite the horrible statistics when it comes to love and marriage, she still believes in it and wants it for herself. And in so many words, married people need to stop making it look so horribly, dreadfully hard (bordering on impossible).

I'm not sure exactly why this struck me but it did. Maybe because I am coming up on the two-year mark of being a Mrs. myself (!) and probably also a lot because I remember the many years I spent standing up at various weddings for my friends and begrudgingly flying solo (note: I don't remember who it was that said at the time I "totally reminded them of that girl in 27 dresses who has a bazillion bridesmaids dresses and is always single" but for the record THAT IS A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO SOMEONE SO PLEASE STRIKE IT FROM YOUR VOCABULARY IMMEDIATELY!).

I only have two years to draw upon when it comes to married life and I know that is just a blip really.

But it's true that marriage gets a bad rap sometimes and while I think that it is really, extremely important for people to all understand that relationships are all different and all hard and that marriage is by no means an easy answer or some perfect moment where ta-da! life becomes all sparkly and easy-peasy...it is also really, freaking awesome.

I know without a doubt that I am a better person because I have Adam by my side and I would like to think he'd say the same about me. It isn't always fun or pretty, and there are some serious challenges that come with it. I don't deny any of that and I think to do so is really a disservice to everyone.

But it is also good. It is good in little ways--he listens as I tell him about what so-and-so said at the office today CANYOUBELIEVEIT?! and I sneakily throw away all his socks with holes in them because seriously it needs to be done. It's nice to have someone get your inside jokes and be your plus one when you have to go to that thing where you won't know anyone.

But the best is that you get to feel known. And it is also kind of the worst because when you are known, you can no longer can you hide your crap or keep the ugly from bubbling to the surface now and then. And you see their ugly bubbling to the top sometimes too. Along with the just plain annoying.

BUT (lest you think I am doing that thing where you say one thing but actually take the other side) this is all still a very good thing! Because it makes you better. And it makes you grow. And it makes you realize that you are loved just as you are (to borrow from one of my favorite movies ever).

And the best, totally bizarre part is that even when you mess up and even on days when you mess up AND he messes up and you are both quite grouchy and things are really NOT FUN and THEN you realize your milk expired again AND your parking ticket is due etc etc etc...it is a Great Mystery, my friends, but it is so very true that somehow love does prevail.

And I know that it sounds very simplistic and I know and you know that love seems to be failing all around us sometimes. And I don't know what to say about that and I won't pretend to have some quick fix or even any answer at all because I don't understand it either.

But I do know a couple things about marriage. At least what two years can teach a girl. 

So, let this be a reminder to me today, tomorrow, next year, and 33 years from now when like my parents, I get to celebrate my 35th wedding anniversary:

Be thankful. Fight for it. And step it up.


kimberly said...

I have so many things to say about this. I keep wanting to remember to respond and so I have kept this post unread like ten times now.
1. why the f would someone say that! to anyone!!!!! UGH! this makes me irate.
2. this is so, very encouraging to me. it's funny because I have been thinking about this a lot. and I have never been more okay with being single in my life. and I think in general it is a very, very, good thing, but I think I am also a little jaded and very sad about all the failed marriages around me. I feel like people give up. a lot. and I feel like they don't fight for it. or work for it. or even try to make it good. and so many people are married but hate it. and all they do is complain about their husband. what a bummer. so I am thankful for all the good marriages I see. and it is good for me to hear all this. it is easy to give up on marriage and it's easy for me right now to be like "who needs that?" so it is good to hear this. I agree, people need to step it up. AND, it is nice when married people make room for single people. not just so we're not lonely, but also so we can see good examples. I feel strongly about this and I am so thankful for the good marriages I get to see pieces of.
3. you are awesome.
4. I have never seen BJD. this is probably a bad thing.
5. let's get together soon. I like you.

Sara said...

Kim, you are so great. Thank you so much for reading and for letting me know your thoughts friend! I think this conversation is best continued over gelato. Please!
ALSO run out right now and rent BJD. YOU WILL LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!