Life has been tinged in a bit of ugly the last few weeks and while there is never a good time for such a season, it seemed especially bitter during Christmas, the season of supposed joy and merriment.
I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that as I opened a thoughtful "Our First Christmas" ornament, I nearly burst into tears. I don't want to remember any of this mess, I thought.
It was quite easy to get lost in my own fog and while several acts of kindness drew me out from time to time, there I remained, mourning several things, one of which was the loss of a chance to celebrate with my husband following a very busy season.
And I'm not going to pretend to be Suzy Sunshine about everything and there isn't a way to wrap this all up with a pretty bow.
But yesterday as I was walking back from lunch, I was hit with a new insight that perhaps was dancing around my head all along but was difficult to realize before some distance had been made.
And that was this--
As we stood at the altar, we eagerly said yes to a lot of things that we secretly hope will never come.
In sickness? For poorer? For worse? Yes yes yes! ....but surely not to us...
Yet these times do come and if we have made such a promise, it can be sometimes difficult to feel bonded amidst such pain. Because marriage makes things that much more complicated--more obligation, more needs, more hurt.
Yet sometimes, mercifully, this bond is somehow strengthened in the very seasons that seem easiest to tear it apart. And we feel the meaning of sacrifice. Of commitment. Of together.
And in the midst of such gray days, it truly is a blessing to take a deep breath and look over and think well, we may not emerge unscathed but neither will we be defeated.
And hand in hand, our journey continues.